


The Obligatory Valentine’s Day Fic

by gabrielleholland



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Valentine's Day, not in my christian ao3, rated teen because Swearing, sksksksks this is so bad lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-23 09:11:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17680589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabrielleholland/pseuds/gabrielleholland
Summary: TL;DR: Michelle riles up the AcaDec team, Flash is a dumbass, Michelle plans revenge, Michelle enacts revenge, Michelle makes some Valentine’s cards, Michelle and Peter Have Feelings.





	The Obligatory Valentine’s Day Fic

 

  “But MJ, it totally encapsulates everything you complain about! Corporate America and capitalism and...and monetising arbitrary bullshit and heteronormativity and like a dozen other things I KNOW you’ve gone on about but can’t currently recall.” Cindy looks like she’s about to burst into angry flames. It’s quite funny.

 

  MJ doesn’t bother looking up from her book. “I’ve never said I’m not a hypocrite. And yeah, it’s totally all of those things. Doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy discounted candy and chocolate the day after, or find amusement in watching dumb teenagers try to be romantic.” The entire table is looking at her like she’s just declared war on them.

 

  “Oh my god MJ, you went on a five day long rant to me about every single problem with Christmas but on the _one time_ we all _actually_ agree on something that aligns with your beliefs you flip on us?” Cries Charles. MJ is thoroughly relishing this.

 

  Betty smiles. “Come on guys. It’s really not that bad. MJ’s right, there’s some dumb stuff about it but all in all it’s a fun day.”

 

  Sally stares daggers into her best friend. “Betty, you’re practically lounging on Ned’s lap. You don’t get a say in this.” Ned glows as red as the plush heart Betty’s holding, and Betty sticks out her tongue. “Come on MJ. At least complain about the societal pressures.”

 

  “There’s societal pressures with everything-”

 

  Flash leans over from his table, evidently having been eavesdropping. “Michelle. I have zero interest in this conversation or in your views, but when I said that about voting and the American election system you ghosted me for a month and refused to tell me anything I needed for Decathlon.”

 

  MJ finally looked up from her book with a cocked eyebrow. “Are we really going to compare an antiquated system based on racism and classism to a silly holiday about teddy bears and snuggling?”

 

  Parker coughs. “Um, I kinda agree with MJ. I mean, I totally hate everything you’re all bringing up — you know, capitalism and heteronormativity and all that but it is the most harmless holiday. And doesn’t it, I don’t know, help the economy or something? Valentine’s Day has to be a big draw-in for...I don’t know, florist boutiques.”

 

  The Decathlon team all turn to him in total synchronisation (MJ’s gonna have to sketch that later) before erupting into a fountain of giggles. Cindy’s wiping away tears when she finally gets her voice back. “Oh—oh my god Peter. Oh my god. I have not seen a bigger reach than that since...God, I don’t even know. Jesus...oh my god. I think we all needed that, thank you.”

 

  Peter’s face is cross, and if MJ were the type to notice (and she totally isn’t) she’d think he looked cute. “ _What?_ ”

 

  Flash is hooting. “Jesus, Parker. Jones could say the Earth is flat and that we’re descended from elves and you would believe her.”

 

   MJ takes the opportunity. She might as well, it’s kinda funny seeing Parker riled up. “Yeah, Parker. What’s that about?”

 

  His ears are the prettiest shade of pink. “I—I...uh...well, do you want me to back you up or not?”

 

  In a moment of weakness and insanity that future MJ will curse until the end of time, she lets a smile break through her mask of composure. “I’m messing with you, Parker. Chill.” She elbows him playfully, and he throws his hands up in surrender.

 

  MJ quite suddenly remembers that the AcaDec team is still there just as Sally lets out the longest sigh she’s ever seen. “You two are absolutely _infuriating_.”

 

  “At least we know why MJ’s so open to something she would clearly otherwise hate. She’s whipped.” Ah, Flash. He never could stop himself from being an idiot. She’ll have that carved into his tombstone. She can see in his face he knows his doomed.

 

  The silence is palpable, broken only by a small sigh from Cindy. “Jesus Christ, Flash.”

 

  MJ makes a point of turning around to look at him. “If I’m hearing you correctly, and do tell me if I’m not, you’re insinuating that I would change my _deeply_ held political and social views for, no offence Parker, some dork white boy. Is that what you’re insinuating, Eugene? Because it sure sounds like it. Is this the hill you want to die on?”

 

  Flash gulps. It’s hilarious, but MJ holds her death stare. “I...uh…”

 

  “I thought so. Now if you’ll all excuse me, I have some revenge to plan.”

 

  


 

  He arrives at school an hour early for the extra AcaDec practice Michelle shoved in, only to find said Michelle covered in pink paint, rigging something up in Flash’s locker. “Uh...hey MJ. Happy Valentine’s”

 

  She doesn’t look away from her work. “And to you, Parker.”

 

  “Um...so I just wanted to say sorry for what went down at lunch yesterday. It was _way_ out of line for Flash to say that.”

 

  MJ blows a hair out of her face. “What are _you_ apologising for? _You_ weren’t the one being a dumbass. And I get an excuse to fuck Flash over. Pretty good lunch all things considered.” She tweaked at a series of intricately places wires. “And before you ask, don’t worry. I had Ned knock out the cameras and I have an arrangement with the janitor.”

 

  MJ hooks a large packet of glitter to the system she’s created as Peter tries to process what he’s viewing. “Um...so what’s this?”

 

  She smiles. “Valentine’s Day themed revenge, Parker, what else?” He cocks and eyebrow, and she rolls her eyes. “If this works, which it will, it’lldouse Flash in pink paint and glitter when he opens his locker.”

 

  Peter swallows this information, trying not to smile. He really shouldn’t condone this, but it’s _Michelle_ and _Flash_. “I never knew you had such a flair for the dramatic.”

 

  She shrugs. “You forget how little I used to interact with the general population. Never had the chance. Wanna help? Grab that bear over there—yeah that one.” He hands it over gingerly, trying not to touch the organs. MJ ties it into the web of wires and coils. She steps back to admire her work, and her grin is the prettiest thing he’s ever seen. He tries not to smile, he really does, but he can’t help it. How could he?

 

  It does work, and it’s beautiful. Flash is doused in pink paint, coated in glitter and the shock of seeing an anatomically correct teddy bear jump at his face makes him scream. He snaps a pic of it, because he wants to remember this moment for the rest of his life. He turns to Michelle to see how she’s taking this, but her eyes are focused steadily on him.

  
  


 

 

  She doesn’t get any candy grams or Valentines or anything, but she couldn’t give two shits. In all honesty she totally views the holiday as an excuse for capitalism and corporate America to run wild with heteronormativity and exploitation of lonely people’s desire for love, but good lord is it fun to see her friends get worked up.

 

    _Friends_. The word has never rolled off her tongue properly. Like it didn’t fit in her mind. She writes them all a personalised message (except Flash, duh. The chicken organs were a good enough) because as much as being an authoritarian dictator over the AcaDec team works, a stable government has never worked on fear (she’s lying if she says she isn’t eager to be the first though). They’re all pretty happy with them, though she does note they seem somewhat suspicious, like maybe she’s coated the cards in cyanide. Good. Keep them on their toes.

 

  She’d been stuck on her one for Peter. She’s annoyed by how much she wants to make out with him, but the appeal of asking him out via one of these dumb cards is strong. She doesn’t end up doing it, obviously, because she’s not some lovesick idiot. Of course not. She just writes some dumb pun she knows he’ll love.

 

  He gives her an odd look after he reads it (as after laughing his ass off at the pun. God, he’s such a dork) and she’s almost scared he knows. That’s a lie, she’s never scared. But she was slightly worried.

 

  Fuck, she hates this. All this does he like me stupidity, all the panic he knows, all of Peter Parker and his dumb cute face. She’s never been off her guard like this before, and she’s never felt a romantic emotion (or any emotion, for that matter) stronger than a sneeze since 1867.

 

  He’s just so _great_. He’s so nice (almost an annoying amount), he’s wicked smart (though he’s still a dumbass. But hey, she’s a morosexual), he’s totally hot (not that she notices) and he’s a genuinely good person. Like, with morals and shit.

 

  Fucking dork.

  
  


 

  She sits on the bench, listening into the Valentine’s concert down at the park. It’s mainly an excuse for teenagers to get drunk and make out in the park listening to free music and it’s kinda annoying if you’re not that exact demographic, but she likes the artistic inspiration. The music’s hard to catch from where she is, but the whole area is bathed in pink lights from the stage and she’s having fun sketching the scene.

 

  Her tranquility is broken by Queen’s favourite red-and-blue clad superhero swinging down to her. “Hey.” He says, in an imitation of what a cool person sounds like.

 

  She knows. Of course she knows, he’s an obvious idiot. She can tell though, that he doesn’t know she knows. “Spidey. And to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit? Far as I can tell I’m not a cat stuck in a tree…”

 

  Spider-Man scratches the back of his neck, before shoving a pink envelope with her name on it into her hand. “Um...some kid told me to get that to you.” God, he’s such a dork. She recognises his messy scrawl. Spider-Man doesn’t leave, so she opens it. It’s a candy cane, and a photograph of Flash post-revenge. She smiles, and grins wider when she sees how delighted Spidey is. Those eyes are freakishly emotive.

 

  Might as well. “Thanks, Peter.”

 

  Peter nods, and she assumes he also smiles based on the way the mask moves. It’s cute, in a really weird way. “No problem, MJ.” He swings away. She waits.

 

  5,

 

  4,

 

  3,

 

  2,

 

  1…

 

  “HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN?” He whisper-shrieks as he lands (more like gracefully barrels into the ground) at her feet.

 

  “Hmmm...suspected? A while. Definitively? About ten seconds ago.”

 

  He sits down next to her, methodically breathing in and out. “Okay. Okay, okay. Cool. Okay. Got it. Awesome. Great. Okay.”

 

  “You...okay?”

 

  “Uh-huh!” He nods, his voice high and definitely not okay. “Yep, fine. Totally fine. Definitely not freaking out because the girl I’ve been totally crushing on for months apparently knows I swing around Queens in spandex—”

 

  She can’t quite process what he’s just told her. “So it is spandex? I’ve kinda always wondered...”

 

  “Actually no, it’s this super cool fabric Mr Stark invented, it’s threaded with...no! No, no that’s not what’s important here!”

 

  There’s a silence. It’s long, it’s drawn out and it’s awkward. Yay. “Months?” The word is quiet, barely registered over the music blasting from the speakers.

 

  Peter groans. “I said that out loud, didn’t I?”

 

  “Yeah, you kinda did.” A couple people from the music crowd have noticed them, and it’s making her antsy. At least, antsier than she already is. Which is already very antsy. “Um, can we talk about this somewhere less public?”

 

  Peter snaps back to reality. “Oh, yeah. Good idea.” And then his arm is going around her waist and holy mother of god what the fuck what the _hell._ He pulls back quickly, and his blushing is audible. “Sorry, that was presumptuous. Can I…?”

 

  “Yep!” She says, her voice so high pitched she cringes. His arm wraps around her waist and then they’re swinging and holy fuck this is amazing. He lands them on a roof a little while away.

 

  He pulls of his mask, and of course Parker is the type to totally pull off hat hair (mask hair?). “Okay. Okay. We can talk adults. Don’t give me that look, we’re like...two years off from being adults.”

 

  “I’m not giving any look.”

 

  “You’re totally giving a look.” There’s another pause, and he sighs. “So…”

 

  She smiles, and for once it feels like it fits on her face. Like this is something she can get used to. “God, you’re an idiot.” She grins as she presses her lips to his.

  


 

 

  The AcaDec is predictably furious. “Okay, now firstly I’m going to beg you not to glitter me like you did Flash.” Starts Cindy. “But oh my GOD, Michelle. You’re totally biased!”

 

  MJ leans her head against Peter’s shoulder. “What do you mean, Cindy?”

 

  Sally stops in her tracks the moment she spots them. She looks like she’s about to explode. “Are you kidding me! Is this really a thing...Michelle Jones! You let the dork white boy compromise your beliefs, didn’t you?”

 

  “Hey!”

 

  “Shut it, Peter. Now MJ, I’m not leaving until you admit this thing you have with Parker is totally the reason you refuse to agree with us.”

 

  “Cindy, if I told you I only disagreed with you for contrarian’s sake and because it was mildly amusing to see you all mad, how angry would you get?”

 

  “Michelle Jones. If it were not for the laws of this land I would stab you.”

 


End file.
